did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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