I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
