Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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