Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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