38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
