i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
meet me or not, i'm out of control
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
