the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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