Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
