I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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