You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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