I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
