True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's Friday. Sex?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You pole danced in your parka.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
