I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
