is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Life is so much better after having sex.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Randomize