Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
