What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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