I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I am available for nakedness
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
