$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
