this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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