is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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