I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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