Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
A+ Viking dick
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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