I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
