Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i want to swaddle you in tequila
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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