I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
