I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
