Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
