and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
