i barfeds in our rink
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
