She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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