Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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