next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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