do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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