non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Randomize
