We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize