So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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