have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
