we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
