so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
