I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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