we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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