Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
