then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
