He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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