she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
