I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
