May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
