Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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