I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
