do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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