It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
