Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
