Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize