Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It's official drugs can't kill me
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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