I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
