my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
