she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
