Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
