I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
