Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
