No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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