is your mom at the bar?
: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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