I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
