Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
