Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
