I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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