the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
