I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Drake has all the answers
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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