Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
