her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
