Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
